my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
