Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
