ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
