Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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