Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
