I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
