I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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