You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
