I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
