I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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