My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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