She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
