I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
