Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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