Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me

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  (313): I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me http://tfl.nu/x1tc
  Replies (8) Good night (1536) Bad night (1600)
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  (415): View more from California

  I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.

  (415): View more from California

  Watch for tornadoes.

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  (415): I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana? (512): Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought. (415): Watch for tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/7qwf
  Replies (33) Good night (2684) Bad night (760)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.

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  (770): I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass. http://tfl.nu/0fum
  Replies (48) Good night (1048) Bad night (3095)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.

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  (952): Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage. http://tfl.nu/guje
  Replies (15) Good night (1001) Bad night (4212)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.

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  (972): I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were. http://tfl.nu/ckqe
  Replies (53) Good night (1891) Bad night (7156)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.

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  (843): Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean. http://tfl.nu/s35t
  Replies (9) Good night (4719) Bad night (1129)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.

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  (518): I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon. http://tfl.nu/pj69
  Replies (9) Good night (1282) Bad night (3498)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"

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  (201): After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph" http://tfl.nu/ju46
  Replies (31) Good night (2757) Bad night (1848)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.

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  (678): I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding. http://tfl.nu/gais
  Replies (6) Good night (1667) Bad night (544)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.

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  (724): You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to. http://tfl.nu/ryed
  Replies (2) Good night (750) Bad night (490)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"

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  (303): So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode" http://tfl.nu/uekw
  Replies (3) Good night (880) Bad night (460)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?

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  (647): didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail? http://tfl.nu/zlp7
  Replies (11) Good night (486) Bad night (1019)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.

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  (817): I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up. http://tfl.nu/9qtu
  Replies (9) Good night (1124) Bad night (379)
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  (631): View more from New York

  So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.

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  (631): So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself. http://tfl.nu/iw9c
  Replies (0) Good night (704) Bad night (314)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?

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  (973): Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990? http://tfl.nu/ls6v
  Replies (1) Good night (317) Bad night (420)

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