I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.