please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
