Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder