Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
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We just shotgunned beers for America
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's blow job season.
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.