Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Drake has all the answers
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.