He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
