we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.