I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.