dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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