Come see our sink grown plant.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
