If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
