im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
God, I missed his penis.
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