Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
