The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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