so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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