drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
