so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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