You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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