Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
