ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
