I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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