i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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