You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
