Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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