I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
