I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
