My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
