do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
