i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
