Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
