Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
