My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
