nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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