I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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