All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
People in love make me want to vomit
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
