what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
