I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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