Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
