i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
