this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
