I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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