she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
