The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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