Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
