Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
