I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
