you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
