This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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