Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
