The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
