Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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