I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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