He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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