ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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