Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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