My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
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