I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
