Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
