I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
