i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
