I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I checked into jail on foursquare
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
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I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.