Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
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I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...