I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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