dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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