just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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