there's paper in my vomit.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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