and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
