I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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