My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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